Hello. Welcome.
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t intend to start this Substack in September. But alas, that did not happen. And in the spirit of the New Year - I am hanging (clinging on) to this new leaf mentality, which means that I simply must forgive myself for past sins (sheer disorganisation) that prevented this newsletter from arriving on the scene any earlier. And to be transparent, a large factor of this sheer disorganisation is my tendency to watch Instagram reels - aka. tik toks because I am too proud to download the app – for more hours a day than I care to openly admit. That my friends, will be my primary resolution for 2024.
I considered making this first newsletter a deep dive into my other new year’s resolutions but decided against it for a myriad of reasons. The most notable being:
1. No person truly gives a fuck about anyone else’s resolutions. Yet! We are bombarded with them between January 2nd - January 10th from every news outlet, friend, parent and priest. Any sense of internal reflection sparked by reading the resolutions of others is thus made redundant, as the media and social landscape is so over-saturated that it becomes hard to decipher your own reflections through the fog of others’. E.g. the in/out lists of 2023/24.
This confusion of individual thought/taste pertains particularly to Instagram which feeds us a never-ending stream of the lives and opinions of others. Your own preferences are lost in the digital ether. No more are the Beatniks, Goths, Mods etc. of the 50s/60s.
I say the 2nd of January because I am usually in a pit of my own filth and sorrow on New Year’s Day, after treating NYE like doomsday from which I expect never to return. And so, everything begins on the 2nd. Anyone who is able to begin their resolutions on the 1st should not read this letter. It will not resonate with you. You are simply of a higher echelon than myself. Please refer back to the Substack explore page for more relevant content.
2. They are personal to me, and reader, we are not quite close enough yet for me to reveal my self- improvement plan.
And so instead, this newsletter – which I began writing on the 14th of January 2024 (a mere 14 days after the official start of the year) - will detail some silly tips from my diary for surviving both the Christmas and January period, as they can be equally gruelling at times. It will predominantly stick to the list format, as there is something about the sparky-ness of bullet points that feels to be the epitome of New Year writing. Though perhaps quite clear from the numbered points above… succinct clear lists without feeling and waffle are not my strong point. But what is the new year without space to grow. So, on y va!
Discussion topics for conversations with middle aged uncles at Christmas:
1. Electronic music from the 80s
2. Their sports injuries
3. The state of the economy
4. The football/rugby/cricket/ ANY SPORT EVER AND THEY WON’T SHUT UP. Bonus conversationally savvy points given if you can throw in a player’s name with the following question: What did you think of [insert name] performance this year?
5. Any questions relating to the hay day that is the 80s/90s. Note: this must be approached with caution if you have any particularly politically prickly uncles, and wish to avoid having to bite the inside of your lip for fear of starting a family feud.
6. Questions on their journey: The motorway they took, the traffic, the alternative routes google maps suggested.
Beautiful things on an otherwise miserable (January) commute:
Woman underlining a sentence in a book she loves with a pencil.
Teenage girls breaking the silence of the carriage with their chatter about who can sit where at school in order to be near the person they fancy.
A man silently mouthing the words on the page of the newspaper he’s reading.
People sleeping with their heads thrown back, their mouths wide open. Other fabulous public sleeping options include: waking themselves up with a snore/head drop. Or, loosely lolling their head onto the shoulder of the person sitting next to them.
Commuters running to the tube carriage as the doors beep teasingly. Watching them scramble through pulling their arms, legs, bags, dogs, children out of the semi closed doors. As this happens, everyone in the carriage averts their eyes even further to the floor – which almost seems impossible! - as they try to cover their smirks and giggles. The mischief in their eyes betrays them immediately. At moments like this I’m reminded of how distinctly human we all
are. And how desperate a stubborn Londoner will be to get home on time.
School pupils meeting each other on the platform; giggling and smiling in a manner so exuberant and fresh that it could be the first time every time.
Friends/family hugging each other goodbye. Their limbs messily and quickly intertwined. Grabbing that last chance of contact before the train departs.
Woman with a clear plastic sandwich bag of sausage rolls on the floor next to her.
The sport of navigating the underground at rush hour. Eyes darting manically back and forth. Faces smacked with steel as they judiciously and quickly map out their path, weaving in and out of the people around them.
Drunk couples slathered all over each other; intoxicated, embarrassing, in love.
One man telling another he looks like John Lennon.
(Even more) miscellaneous tips/tricks:
1. Tea of every kind at all points throughout the day
2. Call your loved ones. See your loved ones. Texts are great until you find yourself waiting days for a response, at which point any joke will have most definitely expired. Laughter will touch every inch of your body when the person who inspires it is also within reach.
3. Put down that phone.
4. Refuse to submit to the media and societal pressures of changing your body come the New Year. Your weight and your appearance is not a commodity that must adapt to each trend and season.
5. Subscribe to this newsletter. Let that be your resolution; to read something new.
Until next time,
Hattie
Loved this! Never knew you could write in such a way x
Amusing piece Hattie!