Autumn: The Clawing Predator

An ode to another summer goneby

Sep 19, 2024

September alone is the gentle hope of new beginnings, and August, a time of wild possibility and frivolity. Yet Autumn marks the onslaught of a steadfast monotony that crushes even the most bold of spirit. It brings with it a clawing panic that winter is just around the corner; darkness before 5 pm and unlit streets which months before were simply roads to carry you to where you needed to be – a drink after work, a birthday party, a Pilates class – now feel increasingly unsettling, so much so that even the weeds between the paving slabs are lurking monsters ready to grab you in the night.

When September rolls around, so too does reality. Beach boardwalks, terrace culture and carefree cycles down winding lanes are a thing of blissful daydreams on your commute. Instead of reading your book, you watch the snatches of an alternative sunnier existence play out between the bubbles in the lino floor of the tube carriage. Naturally, then, your thoughts drift as to whether Britain is “really the place for you” and you inevitably cast your mind to the three friends who have moved to Australia in the last year. You note that they have all developed that irritating glow that comes with more reliable sunshine, a reduced need for vitamin supplements and a quality of life not crippled by overpriced, mould-ridden flats.

These are the thought processes that begin in September, swell in the new year and taper off by March in time for the first blossoming of a daffodil in Spring.

Do you move somewhere objectively better? Or, do you continue to sit at your desk in this little land and plan your escape without ever really following through for fear of… the unknown? A badly poured pint? Never being able to grab a meal deal on the go again?

Ultimately, this search for better and feeling of panic about the colder weather is instinctual. Cavemen/women would have prepared by gathering berries and getting fatter. Today, you can remedy the dread by buying that cute vintage fur-trimmed coat and stuffing your face with so much cheese at Christmas that you fall into a coma until March.

Or, move to Lisbon (if a digital nomad)/ Australia (if a Doctor).

For now, I have compiled a selection of miscellaneous things plucked from my notes page, Instagram and my camera roll – the latter of which I will be scrolling through for the foreseeable future moping about better times – that encapsulate the vibe of the summer just gone as well as the inspo of what I was willing it to be. Remember: Summer is not a time for rational, logical OR logistical thinking. Come with me and revel in the limbo of reality for a little longer.

The Ultimate Crisp Guide:

I feel very passionately about the role of crips in summertime. No lunch on the beach or in the park is complete without them. It is salient that you pick your flavours carefully. Adding a dip can make or break a previously beloved formula; proceed with caution. Please enjoy this informative crisp list detailing the most delicious packets I have encountered this summer. For crisp/dip combinations, you will have to search elsewhere.

NB: A corner shop owner in Stoke Newington with a diverse array of crisps told me that people often insult her selection in preference of those more bland in flavour. For this section of society, politely, this guide is not for you. Don’t scroll and snack on a packet of walkers ready salted on this blog please.

1. Brets: Saveur Pesto Mozzarella

(Pesto Mozzarella)

Need I say more?? A timeless combination cajoled into crisp format. Perfect for those sticky Mediterranean afternoons in which crips seem the single antidote to the heat.

2. Brets: Saveur Miel Moutarde

(Honey mustard)

Wow! How upmarket you feel snacking on a bag of these babies. Ideal for a sophisticated Apéro set up on a terrace now that you are French (have spent 3 days across the channel).

3. Ruffles: All dressed

Here I present to you a Canadian delicacy. Can I explain the allure or ingredients of this delightful flavour explosion tucked up in foil casing? No! You will just have to trust me that with each bite they grow richer in taste and with each bag, you will get more obsessed.

4. Lays: Tomato

A solid hearty flavour profile. An alternative to the ready sa
lted crisp. Reliable, comforting but with a little more pizazz. Never to be overlooked but rightfully plonked in fourth place.

5. Lays, Paysanne: Saveur Oignon de Roscoff Caramélisé

(Caramelised Onion)

Sweet, tangy, delectable. Moreish, classic, scrumptious. In fifth place purely due to a lack of innovation. Nevertheless, I loved and inhaled several packets this summer.

Magnum Flavours Ranked:
Gone are the days of you enjoying the classic Magnum whilst your Dad munches the almond version. Now, there are plenty to choose from for all the family. Here is my order of preference.

1. Almond

2. Pistachio

3. Classic

4. Salted Caramel and Glazed Almonds

5. White Chocolate (kinda ew tho?)

The rest don’t even deserve a mention…

Instagram Accounts to follow to maximise summer energy:

1. @nicoleo_

nicoleo__